can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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