i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
