I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she told me i tasted like america
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
