If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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