i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
