I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
