Just fell off a train. Bad.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
