she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
