I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
