Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize