I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
