I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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