i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
