i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
