who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
