Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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