My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
