You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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