4 words: hood of his car
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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