Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
