I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
