Im at strip club and am horny
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
