Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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