You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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