I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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