i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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