I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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