idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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