I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
