so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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