Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm like, not good at living.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
