You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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