Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize