Someone shit on the floor
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
