you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
