I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
