How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
