Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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