her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize