Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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