This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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