Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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