Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
