Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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