I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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