I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
