Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
