thus making me awesome and them whores
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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