Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize