Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
