i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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