Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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