I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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