I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
