um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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