Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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