Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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