I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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