just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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