this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize