I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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