Soap is not a condiment
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize