Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
