Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
