So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
