i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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