What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
