Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
