I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
