she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
