the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
